I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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