I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
