I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
It's blow job season.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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