sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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