How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
