this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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