just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
