remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
