Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
