There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Come back. Shots need mouths.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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