why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
So much rum. So many feels.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
