he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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