is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
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