I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
that may or may not have been my penis.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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