I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
