She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
