Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
