My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You pole danced in your parka.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Randomize
