he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Don't tell me you're on acid again
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
