Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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