i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
