Is it because I queefed?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
