Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
