hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
