apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
