Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
