if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
