woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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