Princesses don't give blow jobs
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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