i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
