Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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