On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
