Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
