no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize