And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
