yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
