you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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