Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
