My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
