U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
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