I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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