Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize