Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i wish my penis had a tongue
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
