wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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