I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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