so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
