Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
