i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
The feeling are messing with the penis
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
