So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Randomize
