In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
