he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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