i love accidental penises.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Randomize
