I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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