I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
