i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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