I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
