I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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