oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
