Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
