That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
