I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
