You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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