After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
