I can't watch pbs sober anymore
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
