I just made out with a guy for $7.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
